Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Breastfeeding // 11.5m

My little Tom

Our breastfeeding journey is coming to an end. I've not really known how to handle this as there are plenty of reasons to keep going.. but my gut is telling me its time. And its becoming difficult for both of us. You are a very strong and active baby - you can't lay even the tiniest bit still to feed. You want to be attached but roll around at the same time. We go out and you tug on at my top and violently push your head towards me - its awkward and annoying and you seem really distressed that you can't just have it then and there. Some nights when you've been really demanding I feel like you're attached to me all night and we wake up exhausted and I just don't feel right about it anymore.

The hardest part for me though I think has been the fact that I love being a breastfeeding mum. I love the bond, and the ease, and the conversation with other mothers. I love that it settles you in an instant and when you look up and me with those big baby blues and laugh as I blow raspberries on your hands. Im definitely going to miss it, but I am also in love with watching you become more independent. I love watching you hold that bottle all on your own, put it down again and then grab it for more when you're ready. Its still just as lovely cuddling up to you and rocking and singing you to sleep. You still put your hands up to my mouth, but you finish when you're full - theres no more tears when I pull you off. And its helping you learn to settle without feeding to sleep. Stopping is just one of the difficult decisions to be made as a mother, and I need to just trust that my mother instincts are right - they usually are.