See my chalkboard Christmas tree? That is the only Christmas item in my house this year (would you even class that as an item?!).. and its depressing me. I have never really been Christmas mad, but i've always loved the day and the lead up. But this year I have no motivation. 2011 has been a a bit of a let down. I hate to complain cos I know a million other people have it worse, but we had big hopes for 2011. 2010 was the hard year and 2011 was gonna be the fun year to back it up.. Well yes there was fun.. but behind that fun there was the ever looming stress of our complicated life. I feel deflated. And im sick. So sick I have had almost 4 full days off on my busiest day of the entire year. I cant breathe. My ears ache. I have no energy. My shopping isn't finished. Im spending Christmas lunch with my in laws and I hate not having lunch with my family - its never the same. I haven't cooked a proper dinner in weeks. And I got hit on Monday with having to reapply for my own job by tomorrow (have you ever seen a Government job application?!!).
Anyway, im trying to stay as positive as possible. Business is picking up. Sick days meant I got my present wrapping done. The shops are open 24 hours so I can go after work tonight at 10pm. I don't have to cook on Christmas day. I have in laws. I have a job to apply for. AND 2012 has some pretty damn big events occuring.
I promise I am decorating next year and giving myself holidays!
Well, something I haven’t really blogged about is my pending wedding.
Good date I reckon.
I will be honest with you.. I have felt very unsettled about getting married. Firstly, I feel like im not old enough (I will be 28 – clearly im in denial). Secondly, Im anxious about changing my name. Thirdly, I have been freaked out about getting married in a Catholic Church, and last of all, I’ve been so worried about other peoples feelings towards the event that I have avoided talking about it and sharing my plans and the changes we have made to what we originally kind of told everyone we were doing.
Well, one and two – im just gonna have to get over.. cos I am getting married and I am changing my name.
We have been planning on getting married in a little Catholic Church in North Adelaide called St Mary’s. It is totally sweet and I love everything about it. Except one thing. The massive Jesus on the cross at the altar. Its not even a nice Jesus. It’s massive and metal and there are panels of blue and yellow frosted glass behind Him, covering the most adorable little stain glass windows. And its not even just me.. My lovely friend Kate admitted she noticed it too at a wedding she had attended there ages ago (although I had to drill her for this admission). And then there was the Priest thing. We went and met with a Priest and he was so religious – who knew?! Eeeeekk memories of Year 12 Religion class with Mrs Perre and singing 'Here I am Lord' in the school choir came pouring in – I cant do it.
So, I turned to google. And I goggled the shit out of every non religious, Adelaide city fringe, undercover location I could find which was not already booked. And there was the North Adelaide Institute Building Community Hall. We went to have a look and it was perfect. Low key and understated.. well not really understated – it’s a freaking community hall. Its just a pretty, massive, old space which has soooooooo much potential. And I am over the moon and totally excited – I have even been lying in bed daydreaming about walking down the aisle (WTF?!). AND to top it off, its 190 bucks for 48 hours. Honestly it could not be more perfect.
So with 5 months, 3 days, 9 hours and 27 minutes remaining.. I guess I better start organising some other shit!
As for my last fear factor.. I love my friends and having to ‘pick’ bridesmaids has been so easy but so terribly difficult. I just feel so guilty. No matter how much I try to justify it, I still feel bad – but that’s just me. I was always going to feel bad. I guess its my wedding – and I can do whatever I want to do… even though I don’t actually believe in that saying, im just gonna have to roll with it!