Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Breastfeeding // 11.5m

My little Tom

Our breastfeeding journey is coming to an end. I've not really known how to handle this as there are plenty of reasons to keep going.. but my gut is telling me its time. And its becoming difficult for both of us. You are a very strong and active baby - you can't lay even the tiniest bit still to feed. You want to be attached but roll around at the same time. We go out and you tug on at my top and violently push your head towards me - its awkward and annoying and you seem really distressed that you can't just have it then and there. Some nights when you've been really demanding I feel like you're attached to me all night and we wake up exhausted and I just don't feel right about it anymore.

The hardest part for me though I think has been the fact that I love being a breastfeeding mum. I love the bond, and the ease, and the conversation with other mothers. I love that it settles you in an instant and when you look up and me with those big baby blues and laugh as I blow raspberries on your hands. Im definitely going to miss it, but I am also in love with watching you become more independent. I love watching you hold that bottle all on your own, put it down again and then grab it for more when you're ready. Its still just as lovely cuddling up to you and rocking and singing you to sleep. You still put your hands up to my mouth, but you finish when you're full - theres no more tears when I pull you off. And its helping you learn to settle without feeding to sleep. Stopping is just one of the difficult decisions to be made as a mother, and I need to just trust that my mother instincts are right - they usually are.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Dear Tom // 10 months

Into another month and the difficult stage has passed as quickly as it arrived. You have emerged out the other side as this chatty little thing with the funniest facial expressions I've ever seen. You have this rattle with bells on it which you are obsessed with and you shake it with so much enthusiasm - your mouth opened wide and your eyes squinted. Its the cutest, most hilarious thing. 

You are crawling around like a madman, I cannot believe the speed on you. You mastered the proper crawl at around 9 months after 2 months of commando crawling and you now seamlessly move from crawl to sit to stand to whatever the hell position you want to be in. You've got stuck under the bed and behind your dads filing cabinet. You love brooms (random) and love to crawl around dragging one under your arm. We have been painting the lounge room and you've been running around in your walker with your own brush, sweeping it against the walls - I don't know if its too early for copying but it sure seems like you are. You are super confident on your feet and can walk behind a walker with a bit of help so who knows.. you may walk at anytime.

We have been toying with weaning and you are happy to have a bottle whenever I give it to you instead of boob. I thought maybe it would help with sleep but um no.. no change. You are on a mission to not miss out on anything and sleep just gets in the way! I'm in two minds about stopping breastfeeding but we want to think about another baby in the new year and I wouldn't mind a bit of my body to myself for a bit! You've started to cuddle up to me intentionally (when you are still for 30 seconds) and you are still a total mummies boy. You very clearly reach for me now and have this sweet little look of content on your face when you shuffle into your little koala position on my hip. 

I've had such a great couple of weeks with you. Its been like having a little bestie - we share fruit toast and juice when we go out and about. We stop and make faces in mirrors when we go shopping. We go to the aquatic centre and you squeal with delight at the water fountains and the kids swimming around you. Its been amazing. I love you my little monkey. Now please just work on your sleeping!!

Thursday, November 20, 2014


You, my boy, are not a sleeper. You can fight sleep to the death. Almost 10 months in and you are yet to sleep a longer stretch than 5 hours. The first 4 or so months you were ok. Two 5 hour stretches or 3x 4 was perfectly fine by me. I just went with it. Then we had a bad month, which has turned into a bad 5 months. Its like you physically cannot sleep longer than 2 hours without some sort of resettling - mainly breast feeding. Due to sheer exhaustion we are like a circus act in the wee hours of the morning. In your cot, in our bed, back in your cot, walking around the house rocking, back in our bed, attached to me in some way - either boob or your hands on my face while I hang off the side holding on for dear life. I feel like I've tried all the 'gentle' settling techniques there are but by now but letting you cry to sleep isn't for me (or you) so instead I chose to accept your sleep as it is.  I find it really difficult when people ask, "how is he sleeping?". I say terrible, and then enter into a long winded conversation about things I should try and things I'm doing wrong which in turn make me doubt everything I'm doing and I usually then go on a reading spree about how I can 'fix' you.. but it all comes back to letting you cry to sleep and thats not for me.. so we continue and drink lots of coffee!

And when you do sleep.. my god you are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.. and I completely forget about the rest.

Friday, November 14, 2014

Dear Tom // 9 months

Oh Tommy..

Your dad and I watched you sleeping this morning in just your nappy, sprawled out across the bed and said you're not a baby anymore. The last couple of months have been hard for both of us. You've been sick with a cold and a suspected tummy bug and you're frustrated as hell. We go out every day cos you get cabin fever I swear. This age has been really difficult but before I know it it will be over so Im trying to just savour the good stuff.

You are more and more like your dad every day - always smiling but moody as hell when something isn't right. You are such a happy kid when you're out and about and occupied so we try to get out a lot. This last month however has at times felt like I'm walking on eggshells - You can snap at any minute.. although maybe I'm just sensitive to your crying. You pull on my legs whinging and carrying on until you're picked up, and then you want to touch everything up at my height. Apparently there is a separation anxiety thing that happens around this time and it couldn't be more obvious. We just laugh when you simply can not sit with Dave and have to be touching me at all times (and will go to extraordinary lengths to get to me). You hate the bath, and having your face wiped.. and having your nappy changed, or getting dressed, or getting in the car/pram haha you hate to be constrained or doing something you don't want to - yep, you are your father.

I know I'm your mum, but people comment on how gorgeous you are every single day. Your blonde hair and big blue/green eyes are always topped off with a big grin flashing your little teeth. "He's gonna break a few hearts", they say. You love food. The other day we stopped for lunch and you completely smashed a sushi roll. The little Asian man kept saying "I cannot believe it - I have never seen a baby eat sushi before". You laugh when we say "I love you" - your Nonna taught you that. You love watching the planes come in and we sit outside watching them every day. You are such an inquisitive little thing. You can't go past a door handle without touching it and inspecting it. You love hinges and bolts and latches. You are constantly moving, even if its just your hand scratching a surface, up until the second you sleep and even then you are not still.

As challenging as its been, my love for you is so big. When I sing you to sleep (after you've gone mental and start to give in) and you float off in my arms, I could cry every time. Im so lucky our breastfeeding journey is still going strong. I've enjoyed it far more than I thought I would and you've flourished from it too. Some days its hard and I'm over it, but others it flows so seamlessly.. so we'll just see where it goes. I love life so much more with you in it kiddo. It sure teaches you a few things about yourself. Lets see where the next month takes us.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

The start

For me, becoming a mother has kind of given me a clean slate. Its odd, but everything before Tom seems like a dream - all of the challenges and issues I had previously about my career (or lack of) and my identity have swiftly been removed from my brain and all of a sudden I know who I am. I'm a mum. This all sounds very magical but it comes with a whole new set of emotions which some days seem incredible and totally manageable and other days feel completely overwhelming. But its fun. Its mostly fun. Its fun but it's really fucking hard.

I've been writing a journal about various things I want to remember of this journey and suddenly thought - Leah, its 2014. Get back online. Whether anyone reads this or not, here I am. A mother, a wife and just me.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Wedding Pics

I have posted this link on my Facebook page, but just in case we're not "real friends", here is the link to our AHH-MAZING wedding photographer (and friend!) Shane Shepherd's blog post from our wedding day. Safe to say I have looked at these pictures about 400 thousand times and cant wait to get the final lot! Thanks Shepherds.. you are awesome and then some!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Reeaaal quick post!

I am seriously about 4 hours away from jetsetting out of here, but I wanted to show you our favourite wedding present. Dave's, and now my little brother, Nick made this little package with an engraved padlock and key to lock to the Pont des Arts Bridge and throw the key in the river to lock our hearts together forever. We will treasure it always.

For now, its Au Revoir - Tout le meilleure! xo

Monday, May 7, 2012

Back on board

WELL, I got married on the weekend! It was truly the most amazing day of my life. The weather was great, the girls looked incredible, all of our hours and hours and hours of designing and crafting pulled off and both the ceremony and reception looked perfect. And Dave was absolutely gorgeous. I could not have asked for a better day - I am still slightly in shock that it was just so perfect!

So I figured right now would be a good time for me to get back on board the blog train. We are about to set off on our big Euro honeymoon adventure so hopefully ill be able to blog over there!! Thank you to all of our loved ones for making it the most incredible experience ever xo

Tuesday, March 27, 2012


I've been bad:






1. Clutch and cuff from Saba
2. Screen Printing book by Caspar Williamson purchased at Flourish on Magill
3. Pink and grey napkins from Country Road
4. Loafers from Witchery
5. Sneakers from Sportsgirl
6. Mountain print by Ask Alice purchased at Bowerbird Bazaar

Monday, March 12, 2012